The Inner JourneyFinding Peace Within

Common Myths About Boundaries

Boundaries · Understanding boundariesClass 3

From Boundaries by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend

  1. If I set boundaries, I’m being selfish

Appropriate boundaries actually increase our ability to care about others. People with highly developed limits are the most caring people on earch.

  1. Boundaries are a sign of disobedience

A lack of boundaries is often a sign of disobedience. People who have shaky limits are often compliant on the outside, but rebellious and resentful on the inside.

  1. If I begin settings boundaries, I will be hurt by others

Is it possible that others will become angry at our boundaries and attack or withdraw from us? Absolutely. You must have places where you are connected, where you are loved unconditionally. It is only from a place of being rooted and grounded in love that you can safely begin telling the truth.

  1. If I set Boundaries, I will hurt others

Boundaries are a defensive tool. Appropriate boundaries don’t control, attack or hurt anyone. They simply prevent your treasures from being taken at the wrong time.

  1. Boundaries mean that I am angry

Angry feelings serve as an early warning system telling us that we’re in danger of being injured or controlled. Anger also provides us with a sense of power to solve a problem. Individuals with injured boundaries often are shocked by the rage they feel inside when they begin setting limits. This is generally not new anger, it is old anger. Don’t fear the rage you discover when you first begin your boundary development. Boundaries eventually decrease anger. If you can prevent boundary violation in the first place, you don’t need the anger.

  1. When others set boundaries, it injures me

Do you want others to respect your boundaries? Then you must be willing to respect the boundaries of others.

  1. Boundaries cause feelings of guilt

We need to distinguish between those who give to get and those who truly give selflessly

  1. Boundaries are permanent, and I’m afraid of burning my bridges

It’s important to understand that your no is always subject to you. You own your boundaries. They don’t own you