Where Moderation Issues Come From

From Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody, Andrea Miller, & J. Keith Miller

Observing and reacting to immoderate caregivers

When children see their caregivers being immoderate in matters of dress, in their attitude toward their bodies, in the way they think and solve problems, in the expression of their emotions, and in their behavior, they model their reactions after those caregivers. Some codependents who didn’t like what mom and dad did do exactly the opposite, but because what they are reacting against is in the extreme, their “solution”, the opposite behavior, is also in the extreme.

Feeling invisible in the family of origin

In some dysfunctional families, the children’s dependency needs were ignored unless the children behaved in an extreme manner to get attention. Only then would the caregivers respond to the children’s needs. As adult codependents these people express themselves in exaggerated ways, thinking that by doing so they will be heard and noticed.